I cockslap morals
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
