the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
