K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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