what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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