Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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