Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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