This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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