goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
