I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
