Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
pray to the hookup gods
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
