cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
