I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
