I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will pee on everything he values.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
