The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
