I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
