Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
