We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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