What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
