Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
