Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
