I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
