he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
