Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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