never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
