Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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