so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
