You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
