bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
