is wine microwaveable?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
