no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
