sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
