you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's shark week go big or go home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
