I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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