Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
