omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
