He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
