Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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