So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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