I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
