Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The power of my boobs compel you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
