What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
