Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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