I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
