my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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