I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
