I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
