Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
