i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
