ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
