Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
